10 signs you might be your office’s version of Patsy Stone
We were all in awe when the release of Ab Fab the movie came out earlier this year as it reminded us just how much we’d missed our beloved Patsy. Then that got me thinking, maybe we’re more like our party girl than we think. Here’s how to know if you’ve got an inner Patsy Stone..
1. Turning up to work
You’re not entirely sure who everyone in the office is but the security guard seems to keep letting you enter the building anyway and the receptionist always seems pleased – if a little surprised – to see you. You are adept at schmoozing and delegating, all while rarely showing your face.
2. It’s not what you know it’s who you know
When you do put in an appearance, you choose your meetings depending on who’s going to be there. Jean-Baptiste from Marketing is hot, Denise from Accounts is not. You know how to mingle with all the right people, and in turn all the right people think you’re Absolutely Fabulous darling.
3. Lunch meetings
Similarly, your attendance at lunch meetings is based on catering – custard creams and soggy sandwiches are out, trays of “pharmaceuticals” and Bollinger are in. Eating actual food is for wimps – everyone knows lunch breaks are for Botox appointments.
4. Power dressing
Your look is timeless; tailored Chanelesque suits and killer heels. Your permanently coiffured beehive has enough Elnett in it to start a Greenpeace protest and your desk drawer is chock-full of pillar box red lippy. Let any of these slide and your colleagues will ask you if you’re sick and need to go home.
No self-respecting Patsy protégé would be seen without her designer sunnies and you like them just how you like your men: the bigger the better. Under no circumstances are your shades to be taken off before you enter the revolving doors to your building – better yet not before you get out of lift to your floor. Bonus points for keeping them on at the photocopier.
6. Expensive expenses
Everything gets charged to expenses sweetie! Champagne lunches, taxi rides, those
‘meetings’ at Harvey Nicks with your mates… Even if that means a monthly personal credit card statement that you neglect to open, because all your hopes of a real life expenses account were dashed sometime in the last recession.
On the rare occasion that someone suggests you’re not pulling your weight or that you’re anything less than lovely to everyone all the time, you have an assortment of cutting one liners ready to stop them in their paces at a moment’s notice. After all, nobody’s ever been sacked for calling someone a “Bitch Troll from Hell” …have they?
8. Forgetting names
You’re not interested in the little people unless they’ve got something you need, like the number for that high-powered exec you’ve been dying to get hold of. Consequently, Debbie and Pete often get called Doreen and Paul, while poor old Sue is only ever met with a blank expression as you don’t even attempt to try and remember hers.
9. Mixing business with pleasure
Whether you’re a seasoned predator or cougar in the making, you’re not afraid of hiding your sexuality if the fancy takes you. Young or old, CEO or post room trainee, nobody’s safe once you’ve got them in your crosshairs – or in the stationery cupboard with a bottle of Bolly.
10. An air of mystery
Nobody knows your age, your marital status, your work background or where you’re from. In fact, nobody actually knows what your job is. And you intend to keep it that way, sweetie.
So on a scale of 1-10, how much is Patsy your spirit animal?
While we’re at it, check out the other personality types you find in every workplace.