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The three stages of drunk (and how to handle them!)

Stage One: The ‘God-I-love-you-guys’ Phase

This is also known as the ‘Epiphany Stage’; where you suddenly realise how fabulous your life, and everyone in it is… making you EXTRA fucking fabulous by default.

How to handle it:

Texting all of your mates to tell them how brilliant they are is totally fine – after all, if it wasn’t for your 3am drunk texts, how else would they know that you loved them? I once lost three phones in the space of 8 months purely from drunk-texting song lyrics to my mates while stood at the bar with one eye shut.

How not to handle it:

Now is definitely not the time to hit Facebook. Don’t write on your ex’s wall. Don’t start liking all of the fella you fancy’s photos. In fact, it’s probably best to just delete the Facebook app from your phone before you even go out.

Stage Two: The ‘Admit-it-all’ Phase

Remember that thing you swore to yourself you wouldn’t even mention this evening? Yeah, this is the point where it’s going to come bursting out your mouth like a rogue Catherine wheel.

How to handle it:

If you’re going to tell the table all your secrets, then make sure they’re good ones – like birthday present details or holiday plans. And, of course, playing ‘I have never’ with your best mates is always acceptable… well, provided you’re not into anything really weird or arrest-worthy.

How not to handle it:

Girls’ nights are a free pass for everyone to have a rant about their significant other’s annoying habits. But it’s not the time or place for you to pipe up about how you think your mate is seeing a gobshite who she should finish with immediately.

It’s best to steer clear of phrases such as:

“Well If you want my honest opinion, I reckon your fella’s a prick”

“Oh babe, don’t worry, you carry the weight you’ve put on really well – you look dead curvy now”

“Don’t worry hun, you can do so much better, he was sleeping with everyone on the sly… including me”.

Stage Three: The “OMG-YOU-KNOW-WHAT-WE-SHOULD-DO…” Phase

This is by far the most risky phase of them all; the one that you’ll cringe the hardest about tomorrow morning. The one that can usually be defined with catastrophic phrases such as;

“Let’s book a holiday!”

“We should totally buy a bar/start a business/have a baby”

Or worst of all… “I’ll just give him a quick call.”

How to handle it:

Go home and go to bed. Nothing good is going to come from this.

How not to handle it:

Put it this way; if you’re entering your bank details, dialling a number or trying to type a message… if you’re doing it squinting with one eye open, it’s definitely best to wait until the morning.

Scarlett is the Lifestyle Editor and Features Writer here at The Daily Struggle. Passionate about snowboarding, prosecco, Chris Pratt shirtless and anything with melted cheese on it, Scarlett constantly finds herself in ridiculous situations, and writes about her adventures over on her blog; Scarlet Wonderland.

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