Am I talking indirectly about you? Bitch maybe…
The LinkedIn headshot
Nothing says, “I’ve removed all the evidence of myself getting dangerously fucked up that, if leaked, will undoubtedly damage my career” quite like putting a corporate headshot as a Facebook profile picture. There’s also a 76% chance they’re shagging their boss.
The pouting mirror selfie
Usually on their second or third Facebook profile because they’ve caused murder, called everyone a ‘lemo slag’, shagged your ex and put up at least ten quotes about ‘not caring what the haterz think’ in the last month.
The gym selfie
Used to be a little bit fat and is (quite rightly) proud of their achievements. Wants the bitches from school to see how fit they are these days, and fancies someone on their friend list.
Usually an artsy shot of them looking wistfully at a sunset to let everyone to know they’re a deep thinker and totally have life figured out. They invariably don’t, so don’t worry.
The Urban Fisherman
Really proud of the oversized fish they’re holding. Very active on Tinder.
The scanned pic from the 80’s
Mum. Will enthusiastically comment on everything using excessive exclamation marks. You can roll your eyes all you want, but she’ll be your biggest cheerleader when you post that selfie you’re not too sure about and do the death-row wait for the likes to roll in.
The ‘flexing in aviators’ pic
“I’m really into protein shakes and girls who leave their drinks unguarded at the bar.”
No fucks were given in the making of this blog…