How I’m Learning to Calm My Nervous System After a Difficult Year

After a long period of feeling constantly switched on, I realised I had almost forgotten how to properly relax. Even when nothing urgent was happening, my brain seemed to be scanning for the next job, noise or interruption. I was tired, easily overwhelmed and somehow still incapable of doing nothing.

I started looking into ways to calm my nervous system, expecting there to be a technique or routine I was missing. In reality, the things that have helped most have been much simpler: getting enough rest, reducing some of the noise around me and creating small pockets of time where my brain only has to deal with one thing.

There has been no dramatic reset. I’m just slowly getting better at recognising when I’ve reached my limit — and responding before I push straight through it.

First, I had to actually let myself rest

This has probably made the biggest difference, and it was also the thing I resisted most. When life has been difficult for a long time, stopping can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. There is always something that needs doing, particularly with a young child in the house, and I had got into the habit of using every spare minute to catch up.

If somebody else took over childcare, I cleaned. If there was a nap, I worked. If I had an evening to myself, I found another job. Eventually I had to accept that creating more space only works if you don’t immediately fill it. Sometimes rest now means lying down for half an hour. Sometimes it is watching something without simultaneously sorting washing. Sometimes it is going to bed knowing perfectly well that the kitchen is still messy.

None of this is groundbreaking, but giving myself permission to stop before everything is finished has helped more than almost anything I bought or researched.

Blocking out some of the external noise

I hadn’t appreciated how much noise was contributing to that permanently overwhelmed feeling until I started deliberately reducing it. A home with a baby is rarely quiet. There can be crying, toys, television, conversations and notifications happening at once, and when my brain already feels full, trying to process all of it can become too much very quickly.

The JLab Epic Lux Lab Edition ANC Headphones have genuinely been one of the most useful things I’ve tried for this reason. They don’t make the responsibilities disappear, obviously, but putting noise-cancelling headphones on gives me enough separation from everything happening around me to think.

Sometimes I listen to an audiobook or music. Sometimes I use them while working. And sometimes, when there has been a lot of crying or general chaos, just reducing that external noise gives my brain the breathing room it needs. I’ve realised that trying to create calm internally is incredibly difficult when everything externally still feels loud.

Giving my attention to one thing at a time

Another thing I noticed was how rarely I was actually doing one thing. I’d start working, check a notification, remember something else, open another tab, answer a message and then wonder why my brain felt completely scrambled.

The Head Plan FOCUS Timer has helped far more than I expected. I’ve started setting it for 25 minutes at a time and using that period to stay with one task. When the timer is running, I’m not trying to solve the rest of the day at the same time.

It sounds more like a productivity technique than a way to feel calmer, but for me the two are closely linked. Constantly switching between tasks creates a huge amount of mental noise. Having a physical timer also means I am not picking up my phone to check how much time has passed and inevitably getting distracted by something else.

Twenty-five minutes of doing one thing feels much calmer than an hour of attempting five.

Creating little signals that it is time to switch off

There is something about lighting a candle that immediately tells my brain the busy part of the day is over. It doesn’t require concentration. There is no routine to complete. The room just feels different.

I’ve been using the Take Five Calming Aromatherapy Candle in the evenings and it has become one of those small signals that it is time to stop. I usually light it once everything has started settling down, lower the lights and try not to immediately begin another job.

Of course, a candle isn’t calming my nervous system in any medical sense. It’s the ritual around it that I find useful. Our brains become very good at associating things with certain parts of the day. For me, lighting a candle has gradually become associated with we’re done now.

And sometimes I need that reminder.

Getting outside without turning it into exercise

Walking has always helped clear my head, but I’ve had to become less rigid about what counts. It doesn’t need to be a long hike or a workout. Sometimes ten minutes outside is enough to change the feeling of a day.

There is something about physically leaving the room where everything needs doing that helps too. At home, I can see the washing, the toys, the laptop and all the little reminders of things that need my attention.

Outside, there is simply less to respond to. I’m trying to use movement more as a way of changing my environment and getting some air rather than another target I need to hit.

Eating before I reach the point where everything feels difficult

This sounds ridiculously obvious, but it is very easy to become so busy that hunger only registers once you’re exhausted, irritable and wondering why everything suddenly feels impossible.

I’ve become much more conscious of eating properly during the day and keeping easy things around for the times when cooking isn’t realistic. The same applies to drinking enough water.

Neither food nor hydration is going to solve emotional stress, but being hungry, dehydrated and exhausted certainly makes dealing with it harder. Sometimes the most helpful question isn’t why do I feel so overwhelmed? It’s when did I last eat something?

Writing things down instead of carrying them around in my head

Mental overload often isn’t one enormous thing. It is twenty tiny things trying to stay visible at the same time. Appointments. Emails. Something that needs buying. A job I forgot yesterday. Something I need to remember next week. Writing those things down gives my brain somewhere to put them.

I’m also trying to separate this from productivity. The goal isn’t necessarily to create a beautifully organised list and then immediately complete everything on it. Sometimes writing something down simply means I can stop trying to remember it.

The The Head Plan Gratitude Journal has also been sitting alongside this as a gentler way of writing things down. Rather than becoming another giant list, it creates a little space to notice what was good about the day as well.

I don’t use it perfectly or every day, which is probably part of why I still like it.

Doing less when I notice everything becoming too much

This is the part I’m still learning. My default response to a stressful period has always been to try harder. Become more organised. Work faster. Get more things finished so I can finally relax. Except there is always another thing.

I’m becoming much better at noticing the point where everything starts feeling disproportionately difficult and asking what can wait.

Can dinner be easier?

Can that email be answered tomorrow?

Can somebody else do this?

Does the house actually need tidying tonight?

Some days the answer is still no. Life doesn’t always conveniently make room for rest.

But when something can be removed, I’m trying to remove it rather than automatically pushing through.

Some other products I’ve been trying as part of a calmer routine

None of these is a treatment for stress or anxiety, and I don’t think buying more things is the answer to feeling overwhelmed. But there are a few other products I’ve been trying alongside the bigger changes above that have made everyday self-care feel a little easier or more enjoyable.

Calm has looked much less impressive than I expected

When I first started searching for ways to calm my nervous system, I think I imagined I’d eventually discover the right routine. What has actually helped is much less polished. More sleep when I can get it. Less noise. Eating properly. Walking outside. Focusing on one thing. Lighting a candle. Putting something down when I don’t have the capacity for it.

The products that have been genuinely useful are the ones that support those things rather than creating another thing I have to remember to do. And perhaps the biggest change has been accepting that I don’t need to use every quiet moment productively.

Sometimes the quiet moment itself is enough.

If stress or anxiety is persistent, difficult to cope with or affecting everyday life, it’s worth speaking to a GP or another qualified healthcare professional rather than relying on self-care alone.