Translating office lingo

One of things you’ll quickly realise when working in an office, is that what your co-workers say and what they mean are two very different things, so before you spend 5 years in the nick for GBH here’s a quick translation guide to start you off on equal footing:

Oh… didn’t you get my e-mail? = I didn’t send an e-mail.

You know that e-mail I CC’d you into last week? = I’m wondering why you haven’t completely dealt with that e-mail I CC’d you into last week, even though you weren’t the primary recipient and I haven’t bothered to mention it to you since…

Are you making a cup of tea? = Make me a cup of tea.

Would you mind helping me with… = Would you mind doing this for me…

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I fancy the IT guy.

When is the IT guy coming in again? = I’ve broken my computer… probably by clicking that link on facebook when I should have been working… now it’s spamming me with adverts for XXX red hot babes.

Are you busy? = I’m going to offload a week’s worth of jobs onto you so I can stand at the printer and chat up the IT guy for the rest of the day.

The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of paper

The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of ink. (Probably because I’ve secretly been printing out birthday invitations/colour photos of my dog/CVs to pass around elsewhere.)

The printer’s broken = I’ve broken the printer.

I’m hungry = Is anyone else hungry and is it acceptable to eat yet?

Have you brought any dinner in? = Shall we go to maccies.

Is anyone going the gym tonight? = Please don’t go because I feel like I have to then.

Is Karen off again? = Sick of her.

Did you hear that? = What the fuck is she chatting?

Morning boss = Erm what time do you call this it’s 2pm! Nice of you to join us!

Happy Birthday John = Does this mean there’s cake?

No fucks were given in the making of this blog…

Scarlett Daily Struggle Signature

Scarlett is the Lifestyle Editor and Features Writer here at The Daily Struggle. Passionate about snowboarding, prosecco, Chris Pratt shirtless and anything with melted cheese on it, Scarlett constantly finds herself in ridiculous situations, and writes about her adventures over on her blog; Scarlet Wonderland.

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