One of things you’ll quickly realise when working in an office, is that what your co-workers say and what they mean are two very different things, so before you spend 5 years in the nick for GBH here’s a quick translation guide to start you off on equal footing:
Oh… didn’t you get my e-mail? = I didn’t send an e-mail.
You know that e-mail I CC’d you into last week? = I’m wondering why you haven’t completely dealt with that e-mail I CC’d you into last week, even though you weren’t the primary recipient and I haven’t bothered to mention it to you since…
Are you making a cup of tea? = Make me a cup of tea.
Would you mind helping me with… = Would you mind doing this for me…
When is the IT guy coming in again? = I fancy the IT guy.
When is the IT guy coming in again? = I’ve broken my computer… probably by clicking that link on facebook when I should have been working… now it’s spamming me with adverts for XXX red hot babes.
Are you busy? = I’m going to offload a week’s worth of jobs onto you so I can stand at the printer and chat up the IT guy for the rest of the day.
The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of paper
The printer’s broken = The printer’s run out of ink. (Probably because I’ve secretly been printing out birthday invitations/colour photos of my dog/CVs to pass around elsewhere.)
The printer’s broken = I’ve broken the printer.
I’m hungry = Is anyone else hungry and is it acceptable to eat yet?
Have you brought any dinner in? = Shall we go to maccies.
Is anyone going the gym tonight? = Please don’t go because I feel like I have to then.
Is Karen off again? = Sick of her.
Did you hear that? = What the fuck is she chatting?
Morning boss = Erm what time do you call this it’s 2pm! Nice of you to join us!
Happy Birthday John = Does this mean there’s cake?
No fucks were given in the making of this blog…